for rude_not_ginger Terra Novus: Outpost 7

[quitehomoerotic]

Follows this.

Smack.

Jack landed on the marbled floor with an unceremonious fall.

"Yeah, but you missed it," he said finishing the sentiment the Doctor started before he activated the manipulator.

He pulled himself up from the floor and stretched himself out, looking over to the Doctor to make sure he was okay and all in one piece.

"We're about 800 years to the left," he said as he checked his wrist strap. "Set it on random, thought it'd be more fun that way."

He grinned over at him, and stretched his neck out a little more as he looked around.

What he saw, was nothing short of spectacular.

The walls looked to be made of stone and were decorated with gargoyles and elaborate gold filigree flourishes. Ahead of them, up on the wall, was a vast round glass stain window. Small lights illuminated it around the circle, but just about visible through the other side was the vague starlight in the distance. They were still in space, not on a planet surface.

"Well this is new... what is this, some sort of space monastery?"

Comments

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Yep. And it's bigger on the inside," the Doctor said, as though he were reciting something from wrote. "And it's actually a she. Very temperamental, my TARDIS, so make sure you don't insult her."

He followed Jack's movements, looking down at the extrapolator. He thought he knew where it came from, but trying to seriously consider who put it where caused a wave of pain to course through him.

"I believe you," he said. "Seems like every time I try to think of our past, all I get is pain. Should thank you, though. That extrapolator's been put through a lot of use."

He knelt next to Jack and gestured to his manipulator. "Detection device for that creature, then? Wonder why we haven't destroyed it."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

"Mm, I know," Jack said almost absently. He was in his memories again, trying to work them out. Trying to pick out detail. "And my room is just down that corridor, up the stairs and third on the left," he said and shook his head. It was... unpleasant, how the sets of memories seem to merge and shift.

He turned his head to look at the Doctor by his side and nodded. "Ironic that. Whenever I try and think of our past I get-- well, you don't want to know what I get. Guess me and you have just got to start from scratch."

Looking back to the manipulator he sighed, "Yeah, seems so. Guess we can't. I mean, I'm not the sort to beat around the bush and I doubt you are either."

Lifting a hand he cradled his head. It was hard trying to muddle through the memories. "Check your pocket," he said. "I think you've got something. Something you made?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Wouldn't be too much of a surprise," the Doctor said. "Considering the number of coffee pots and toasters I take apart to put things together."

All the same, he did as Jack instructed, rifling through his pockets until he came across a strange, cobbled-together device that looked like it was pieces of a hotel room dining set and some old computer chips.

He didn't even try to think about what it was, he knew there'd just be a big, gaping hole in his memory. "The other half of the detection device, I'm guessing?"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

"Guess so," Jack said with a slight shrug. He wasn't sure. He wanted to look but then he didn't. Memories seemed to be grouped together and if he tried to remember one he remembered a block around them.

He looked at the device in the Doctor's hands and thought about it. He saw London, a hotel room. The two of them on the bed. Frosty. The wrong memory. He thought again.

"We're trying to make him follow us..." Jack said slowly as he recalled it. And there it was. "Anti-time. We're trying to get him into anti time. He's called the Marquis."

He took another deep breath and glanced upwards. Remembering took effort. A lot of effort. He let his eyes settle up on the console and did his best not to think about anything at all.

But then his mind never did listen properly, and before he could stop himself he was thinking of himself and the Doctor kissing up against it. Well that was a little surprising. His head turned sharply and he looked at the Doctor again.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor, oblivious to Jack's other new memory, rifled through his pocket until he came up with another strange object, a folded-up menu. Folded like he was explaining anti-time.

"Oh, I am good," he said with a wide grin. "Keep the Marquis on our trail, lead him on to anti time, expel my own life energy to keep him there. Not a bad plan at all."

He flipped one of the folded corners over. "Risky, but I imagine that I'd already thought of everything by that point." He hopped up and leaned against the console, still focused in his brilliant folded menu.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack stayed quiet at the Doctor stood up and back to the console. He stayed far too quiet and he couldn't stop looking at him. Staring at him and forgetting to talk.

He couldn't stop looking at him and remembering. There was a time when they'd been happy together. That time was a while ago but it was there, solid.

These weren't the memories that Jack wanted to access at all. But they flooded in just by his looking at him. The taste of his lips, the cool touch of his skin. The way he could moan by touching his neck. The way they'd fit together.

No, Jack thought. No, don't remember it. Maybe it wasn't a memory at all, maybe it was... no, no point pretending. It was a memory.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"---but actually it's a reverse subaligned multithermal system with a recalibrated subcortex, keeping everything in line!" the Doctor hadn't stopped talking, of course, because he was still verymuch pleased with his own work.

"Now, since I'm just that clever, I bet I can repair this with just the last bits of the toaster I've got in the kitchen," he grinned madly at Jack. The grin slowly faded, though.

"Everything all right?"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack hadn't been listening to the Doctor.

He was aware he'd been talking, insomuch as he'd been watching his lips move. He was sure he'd think about the words later. He's probably registered them on some level. But no, he was rather thinking about his lips and the fact he could remember kissing them.

"Hmm... what?" Jack said, realising he'd been asked something. "Oh--" he cleared his throat, "fine. Fine just... remembering. Doesn't matter."

With a push against the floor he stood himself up and offered the Doctor a tight lipped smile, feeling a little like a teenager been caught doing something he shouldn't. Oh well, the Doctor seemed oblivious enough.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Anything important?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. The Doctor didn't have to know Jack well to know that his smile was hardly genuine. Something bad, then? Something the Doctor had done?

Maybe he'd hurt Jack, somehow. Maybe that was why they landed, so Jack could get away. For some reason, that felt right, like it had happened to someone he heard about somewhere.

"Might be easier in the Zero Room," he offered. "Remembering without any interference." A beat. "Do you know what the Zero Room is?" That would be a first.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

"No," he said quickly with an accompanying shake of his head. "Well, yes, but it's fine. Really." It wasn't like he could tell him what he was remembering, after all. The Doctor saw him as a practical stranger, he couldn't start telling him about that sex in the shower-- oh god the sex in the shower... No. No, focus, Jack. Have to focus. Have to stop letting the mind drift. But oh was it a nice place to drif-- No. Stop it.

The Zero Room? Now there was something else he could focus on. The mention of it was like a lightbulb turning on behind his eyes.

"Yes! Yes. We went in there. You went in there. There was... something. We'd been away. You'd been away too long. It helped..." he laughed at the irony of it as he realised what he was about to say, "It helped you remember."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

He looked down the hall. Been away from what too long? What could he have been parted from that made him forget? Jack? Seemed unlikely. Though a generally good bloke (despite all outward appearances), he wasn't bonded to the Doctor, as far as he could tell. Still the Zero Room would be inviting.

He didn't think it would help, not with time distortion of this magnitude, but it might help Jack. And, really, that was more important, helping someone who needed it. Helping Jack.

They were close, Jack had said. The Doctor wondered just how close. Close enough that his need to take care of him rippled back through the cosmos.

He nodded. "Right, I'll take you there. This way."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack nodded. Good, right, take him to the Zero Room. Right, something to focus on as he walked behind him, something that wasn't--- oh the Doctor really had a very nice ass, didn't he?

Jack Harkness get a grip.

But really, it was very nice and those trousers were very tight and oh could he remember what it looked like without the trousers? It was interesting to try.

Maybe when they got to the Zero Room the Doctor would remember. That's what happened last time, isn't it?

"So uh, think it might clear your head. This Zero Room?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor turned back to Jack and shook his head. "I'm sorry. It filters out interference, it doesn't reconstruct timelines. I don't---"

He took in a breath and shook his head. Time was complicated, but if they were running from this thing and had to destroy it in anti time, there was very little they could do to go back and reconstruct what had happened.

"Once the Marquis is trapped in anti-time, the altercations he made to the timeline will be permanent," he said. "I won't ever get them back."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

And there, Jack was sharply and swiftly pulled from the more sordid corners of his mind.

"What?" he said, fully aware he must look like he's just taken a punch to the gut.

"No but- but I can remember. I can see it. I can remember it all. I just have to try. It's all still there." He protested, but at the same time he knew it wasn't the same for the Doctor. Nothing was ever the same from the Doctor.

And it sunk in then. Jack realised it wasn't just so superficial. He and the Doctor. It had been more than what he'd let his mind focus on. It had been much more. It had been, from both sides, love.

"Doctor... you've gotta remember. We've both got to remember."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"It's not just a matter of memories, Jack, the timeline has been altered," he said, his voice calm and resigned. "You only remember because you're a fixed point in time, and whatever temporal distortion affected me washed over you. For me, it might as well have happened in another universe. I get vague feelings of it, but it's not the same."

It was cruel, he figured, telling Jack this. He could've just let him believe that it would be all right, that they'd remember eventually and be happy companions again. But somewhere in him, the Doctor believed that would be wrong. Like it would be breaking a promise he never made.

"I'm sorry."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

The memories that Jack had only just been realising were real should have been easy to dismiss. But now Jack knew they were there, now Jack could see them, they were hard to ignore. And the more he thought about them, the less the false memories seem to settle at all.

He nodded, but it was hollow, and he felt hollow too.

It shouldn't matter so much, he thought. It shouldn't... but of course it did. Of course when they'd been-- But no, the timelines had been altered. It never happened.

But that was more than just them now. More than what they'd become. That was his whole life. His whole life where the Doctor had been so important.

"All of it," he said, mostly to himself, "everything that ever... it's all gone. Just like that."

He looked back up at the Doctor, addressing him again. "No, don't be. It's not your fault. It's not."

But he paused again and thought a little more. Remembered a little more.

"Do you want to see?"

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Just like that." The Doctor's voice was cold, but he could feel Jack's pain, understand how deeply it hurt. There wasn't a way short of a psychic army that could reconstruct that part of the timeline, and he didn't think he had a psychic army that owed him any favors. Well, he might've, but he didn't remember them if he did.

To remember, even just a little bit. To see what could've been, if he'd just stopped the timelines from altering. If he'd just been the Time Lord he was supposed to be. It would hurt, a lot. A lot more than the Doctor was probably ready for.

"How?"

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

"Right."

Jack breathed in deeply and looked down. It wouldn't be fair to show the Doctor what he knew, would it? Not if it'd make him feel like this, knowing it was there but not now. Knowing it was possible but out of reach.

But rather naively, he thought he could show him other things. Compartmentalise his shifting memories enough to just show him the times the Doctor should know about. How they met, them and Martha. Towing the Earth home. Important things.

Tentatively, he reached his hand out and took hold of the Doctor's, lifting it slightly towards his own face, but not entirely. More to make the gesture to help him understand than anything else.

"You can look."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"No."

The Doctor said the words before he even thought them. It was generous, what Jack was offering. More than just offering, he was practically giving it to him. There was no doubt in the Doctor's mind, now, that Jack told the truth when he said he thought they were close. It took a lot of trust to open one's mind to another.

And Jack wouldn't have known the Doctor could if he hadn't told him. Or shown him. The second thought was infinitely more terrifying than the first.

"I can't," he said. "I just can't."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

As soon as the Doctor spoke, Jack dropped his hand.

"No. 'Course not. Silly idea. And anyway, not much worth it. I'd want my money back if I were you."

He smiled, or... tried to smile. It was false but, well the Doctor didn't know him well enough to know his smiles. Not like he did.

"That Zero Room," he said, waving his hand slightly. "Can we give it a miss? Think I'm good as I am."

He wanted to fall back into the false memories. He wanted to step back from the truth... his personal truth. Because if the universe had changed, then it wasn't the truth at all. He just remembered an echo of something that was in another reality.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

The Doctor nodded. "Should probably get some sleep, then. We'll need to be ready for the next place we land. Just in case we need to run."

He extended a hand. "I'll fix that chip for you."

It was all very cordial, but inside the Doctor was aching. Man was the sum of his memories, and here he was, not entirely himself. A hole in his hearts. That's what it felt like. A hole.

But he couldn't let it keep them down. They'd be fine, the two of them. They'd...find a way.

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Jack didn't give his vortex manipulator up easily. He didn't give it up at all. The only people who'd ever worked on it had been him and the Doctor. He knew that, the Doctor didn't.

He hesitated at first though. As much as he knew he was comfortable to share like that before, he couldn't allow himself to treat that as normality now. And it wasn't. After all he still had that whole other set of memories.

"I--" he unbuckled it and handed it over, "look after it. It's all I've got." And that was far too honest too. But it was. Everyone was dead or gone, and something that in his mind seemed like it could be beautiful... that wasn't real.

"Well," he said, attempting to sound light. "Never said, did I... good to meet you, Doctor. Thanks for having me on--" but that was something. "Wait-- does the TARDIS remember me?"

That would be something.

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," the Doctor said, taking the strap gingerly. "She's been oddly quiet since we left the planet. Well, since before we landed. But I imagine she would. Probably better than you remember me."

He pulled out the sonic and got to work on the chip as they talked. It was a fairly simple device, should've been pretty easy to put back together. If only he'd known, when he destroyed it, just how invaluable it was.

"Temporal distortions really cause havoc in the TARDIS's internal memory, but she'll recover. Just like having a really bad hangover."

[quitehomoerotic.livejournal.com]

Absently, Jack curled his hand around his bare wrist. It was as though he were protecting himself. A measure he had to take.

"Oh well that's something then," he said, and tried to sound pleased by it. And he was, in a way. If she knew then he wasn't completely alone. He felt the TARDIS was important. Couldn't quite pinpoint the memories that told him why, but she was. He knew she was.

A hangover? He seemed to recall a time when she'd got one of those before, but he couldn't pin it down. Part of him was glad of that.

"If..." he breathed and stopped, he wasn't actually entirely sure he wanted what he was about to suggest, but at the same time, he wanted to know if he could. "If you cant get your memory back, how about you wiping mine? Or, well, wiping the other memories."

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

"Is that what you want?"