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for rude_not_ginger Notes from nowhere.

March 28 2011

Doctor,

This letter is pointless.

Seriously, it's pointless. When I see you next, I'm going going to give it to you. There's no way you're going to ever read it but I'm writing it anyway. Deal with it.

I've spent the last two weeks with nothing and nobody but the TARDIS to talk to, and lovely as she is, Doctor she's not really much of a conversationalist. Not with me at least.

So fine, I thought, got to do something, right? So I thought hey, why not, I'll write to him. At least this time you can't answer back. Makes a change for you really, wouldn't you say? Well since you can't answer I'll answer for you.

Okay, right, to the meat of this thing.

I'm in March 2011. Last time I saw you was December 25th 2010. Fourteen days ago.

I've been here two weeks. The TARDIS won't move and my vortex manipulator is completely burned out. Looked for parts but can't seem to find what I need. I'll keep giving it a go but if that doesn't work I'm travel free. (Though I'm sure if you were here you'd fix it in seconds. How the hell do you do that?)

I'm trying, while I can, to research what happened last Christmas. I guess that maybe if I find that out I can work out how to get back. Nothing is showing up this end yet.

Trying not to do much interacting too. I'll be back with you soon so the less contact I make the better. I'm guessing that you probably just set the TARDIS to keep me safe and out of the way. I'm annoyed at you over that by the way. We'll have words.

I'm going to the library later. Going to check the newspaper archives for any strange occurrences around Christmas. Maybe something will show up. Guess I'll find out.

Also what the hell is wrong with the air con in here lately? It's freezing. Sort it out.

You better not be getting yourself hurt out there. If you are, I'll kill you myself.

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Astrodesias 7, 54432ER34

Jack,

Been wandering around a bit, figured I might write you a letter. Not that it's particularly likely that you'll receive this, though the postal system on Astrodesias is actually fairly good at interdimensional and inter-time letter transmissions.

Anyway, it's been a couple of weeks since Mars. I can't tell you what happened, but ~~it wasn't~~ ~~I didn't~~ I can't really talk about it. Spoilers and all that. Still, I made the right decision. I know I did. Probably for the best that you're not here to tell me otherwise. Last thing I want to do is have a fight over it.

Silly thing, time travel. You can see the ripples of the mistakes you've made in the past. Not that I'm implying Mars was a mistake, mind you.

I've dropped by this sector of the galaxy, though. I've always wanted to come here. It's lovely, actually. Remind me to include a photograph with my next letter. Won't be the same, of course, but it can at least give you a little taste!

I don't even know why I'm writing this. You shouldn't miss any time by the time I get back to you.

March 15th 2011 (again)

Doctor,

So, funny thing happened. Yesterday I woke up and it was March 14th. Not strange, right? Well, not strange if the day before had been March 13th. Considering it was April 16th? I'd say it's a bit stranger.

Well I looked into it, poked around the TARDIS a bit and turns out I'm in a time loop. Great. Just great. If you did this forget what I said about killing you, I want to make it more painful.

You really better not have done this.

I've been here just over a month now and I'm really just about done with this. You know I don't like sitting around, why would you ever think this was a good idea?

Anyway, I've been doing some digging, looks like the news reports of whatever happened have been covered up. Something definitely did happen because the cover up is just too smooth, looks like something I might have done back in Torchwood. So I'm trying to get into the UNIT systems. Easier said than done when you're trying to keep under the radar. They've stepped up their security by the look of it. Makes it more awkward, even for me.

I better not be stuck in this time loop for long. I hate time loops. Seriously, hate them. I was in one once for five years. I ever tell you that? Five whole years.

I'm going to try and get my hands on some Torchwood hardware. Might be able to get into UNIT easier with that. Not that UNIT ever know what they're talking about.

You better be safe. I'll be there soon.

21 December 1973

I want to rewrite time again. I can tell the Master, now, what will happen later on. I can stop him from dying, Jack. I could save him.

Sort of ridiculous, those moments in time, aren't they? The little tiny moments that you see only once, but you wish with all your might that you could change them. I could've saved him, once. I know that. He was always a bit mad, but never as bad as you remember. I could fix that, I could change time. I want to change time.

Stupid, really. I actually wish you were here to remind me that I shouldn't. I thought about finding you in Cardiff, have you tell me then what I should know now. I won't, of course. I'll change the universe, but not if it risks ~~you~~ my own timeline.

Even stupider (more stupid?) is that I shouldn't even be writing these. You won't miss me at all.

March 22nd 2011 (2)

Doctor

I'm getting tired of this. Where the hell are you?

-----

March 26th 2011 (2)

Doctor,

So Joshua and Abigail Naismith are in prison for 'crimes undisclosed'. What the hell is that? I prodded around, looks like they had some sort of stolen technology at that mansion. I'm going to try and get down to the place and take a look at it. Can't hurt to have a poke around.

Found out about those news reports too. The hidden ones I was telling you about? Well looks like on 26th December something was seen in the sky. Few odd little internet weirdo reports from some people in Kent about seeing a spaceship about the same time too. I'm looking into them both.

In other news I'm running out of money and I can't access any of my bank accounts because like I said, trying to stay under the radar.

Lets just hope this is done with sooner rather than later.

See you soon.

3472.7RE

Did you know, it's my birthday?

I should really pick you up. Found a couple of letters in my postal box, but it looks like they're dated from your future, best wait to open them until later. Can't have spoilers.

I think, in honor of my birthday, I'm going to do something particularly good for the universe. Remove a chunk of bad history, maybe. Sounds like a good idea.

~~If it all goes terribly wrong~~ Well, best be off, then. Somewhere terrible to make wonderful.

I would hope that you're doing all right, but you shouldn't even realize I'm gone.

March 14 2011 (3)

So the time loop is still working. Wondered if it might break second time round but no such luck.

I've made some headway though. Shouldn't actually matter that it's the same month, it anything it might help.

Lets see what we've got now.

* The things spotted in the sky? First one was a planet. I had someone I was going to visit about that but now I've looped I'll have to set that up again.
* I went to see a guy about the ship sighting in Kent. He didn't have anything of use to tell me, but he did smell faintly of lemons. Could have been worse.
* I took your spare brown suit to be mended so you've got it for when you get back. They did a pretty good job considering it was burned. You better tell me what the hell happened there when you get a chance. And no excuses.
* Your bedroom needs tidying, I'm not doing it, I'm not your maid.
* I think the TARDIS and me are actually starting to get on. Shocking, I know.

Ate out at this steak place last night. We're going when I get you back. You still owe me a drink.

Soon,

25 January 1558

Jack,

You're not going to believe who I just met.

---

An invitation:

PS: This isn't really fouling history, is it?

Edited 2010-02-09 17:06 (UTC)

March 26th 2011 (3)

Okay. I'm trying to stay calm about this, I really am. But I hope to God this is some mistake, maybe the TARDIS is going mad.

There was a signal. Started a couple of days ago. Barely picked up on it at first because it isn't coming here it's going where you are. But it's cutting through time like a knife. It's started getting stronger.

The TARDIS tells me it's Gallifreyan. That can't be right, can it? Damn I wish you were here right now to tell me that's not right.

What the hell is happening to you out there, Doctor? Why am I still here?

~~I miss you.~~ I'm worried about you.

03 April 1558

Jack,

Well, that was a mistake. Why weren't you here, telling me that would be a mistake? You know, she's planning on chopping off my head, now. Explains a few things about that time I saw Shakespeare, though. Remind me to tell you about that when I see you again.

Ridiculous, asking you to do that. It's not as if you're going to miss me at all.

~~The TARDIS seems to miss~~ You know what? I think I'm going to destroy a star. Somewhere off in an uninhabited sector. Might help work a bit of this aggression out.

PS: I got a few more of your letters. It's very tempting, you know, the idea of looking into one's own future.

March 22nd 2011 (4)

I've been busy.

That signal is going strong. Meant to get a print out and put it in here for you. Remind me to do that next time.
So lets tell you what I've got. I've set up a workspace here, just makes it easier. I got that Torchwood hardware and I've integrated it into the TARDIS systems. Don't worry, it isn't invasive, I can have it straight out when you're back so you can stop that look on your face because I know you'll have it. And before you ask I'm not damaging any of your spaces, the room I picked used to be a cupboard so shut up.

The technology the Naismith's had? You'll never guess where they got it. Stolen from Torchwood. ~~So who's fault is it that they got that? That's right, little old me. If I'd have paid attention to all the stuff we had in storage this might have never happened.~~ Anyway, I've worked out which piece it is, I think we had more information in it so I'm trying to get my hands back on it.

Read more about the planet in the sky. I don't like it. It better not be what I think it is.

Found something interesting though. There was a story put out about wi-fi going funky and causing mass hallucinations over christmas. I traced the origin. Guess where that went? Right back to that computer that Sarah Jane-Smith had.

I'm half tempted just to go and ask her what happened. Time will only loop again. Not like it matters.

ps. I robbed a bank to get money (electronically of course, not sure I'm the stick up sort of guy). Should be fine for a while.

17 July 3456

Jack,

I don't dream often, it's just not who I am. But I keep dreaming this one dream. I figure, it's not as if you'll have the time to read these letters before I pick you up, so I might as well tell you about it.

There's the Master, and he's laughing at me. Well, laughing at everything, with that defined sort of madness he's always had. And he keeps knocking, Jack. One two three four one two three four over and over. It's like a heartbeat. Or a funeral procession.

I'm standing outside of the bank at Saros Strora. The one where seventy people died from gas leakage. I saved them, Jack. I saved them, and as a result the next day 350 people died from a similar gas leak two banks over.

I think I'm coming back, soon.

March 26 2011 (5)

Been a month since I've done one of these. Another damn month.

There's this girl I see hit by a car every month. She dies, right there in the road. I might stop it next month, but if I do it will only happen again, won't it? I can't stop it. I'm stuck. I'm useless. I'm doing all this research and for what.

I hate you for this Doctor. Come back. Or just let me come back. I was supposed to be with you for this. I know what this is and I'd promised. ~~I need~~ ~~The TARDIS needs~~ We need you.

7681RE

Jack,

The TARDIS is in temporary hibernation. Had to cool down her systems some way, so I've funneled the life support into the stargazing room and I'm just waiting it out. Funny, the whole place still smells a bit like hypervodka and pan-galactic gargleblasters.

Do you remember that night? What am I talking about, 'course you do. It's just seems a good way away, doesn't it?

Do you know what? It's my birthday. Funny, that. I don't often realize these things, but I had to calculate the Gallifreyan date in order to resubmatrilize the correlation referberator on the TARDIS engine system. My birthday! Can you imagine?

I've opened up a bottle of hypervodka in celebration. Here's to this room, then. And the memories that were.

March 14 2011 (7)

6 months doctor. i'ts my annniversssary! Hilarious isn't it. Ive been her six months and what good have i done? noen. yeah thats right. stuck here with your tardis and what the hell good is that going to go for me? none thats right.

so you know what i though is that tonight id have a little celebration! Jack Harkness celebrating all the times he screwed up. turns out if you turn that into a drinking game you get thri quite a lot of driink.

this bottle i'm onnow is just for you doctor especshally for you.

Im in that room with the stars. you know the one. funny. feels long time ago now.

call me. no you cant call me. come back. or i'lll come back

i love you.

November 14, 2006

So! I'm here again. Canary Warf, I can sort of see myself off in the distance, and myself again. I haven't been able to see you again, and that's almost comforting.

If you're not here as an immortal, does that mean I can go and tell you not to go to Satellite Five? I could spare you all those years of heartache, just by walking over there right now and telling you what I know. It'll cause a few paradoxes, but not that many. I could save you, Jack.

We're walking away. There we go, the four of us. Any second now, I'm going to get up, and I'm going to

Well, it's too late, now. Maybe I'll try again. Be a bit like a loop, me going back again and again until I finally decide to do this.

March 3 2011 (8)

Okay so I've ramped up the research again. Thought it was about time. I know these letters are kinda pointless but they help me focus so deal with it.

I've been busy.

Just got back from a trip to Cardiff. I managed to salvage some Torchwood hardware from one of the stores so I brought that back down here. I've set myself up in one of the spare rooms, guess it's kinda like an office. The TARDIS system is actually pretty intuitive, seems maybe she wants to help, the systems integrated really well.

I've been reading more about that technology that the Naismiths took hold of. Found some letters referring to it as the immortality gate. Stupid name, I know. Learning the basic functions of it though, you never know what might come in handy.

Some new info came in recently. Broadfell prison. So there was this huge fire there, right before Christmas. That's the prison Lucy Saxon was held in. Not sure I like those sort of coincidences.

That signal is still strong, by the way.

ps. I tidied your room. What the hell am I turning into?

Somewhen

Jack,

I'm in the vortex again. A lot of drifting, lately. I couldn't go back to Cardiff, couldn't talk to you, or to Rose, or even manage to alter just a tiny bit of reality. It wasn't even because I couldn't, I just couldn't make my body do it. It's too programmed into me. ~~It's too much~~

Everything seems emptier. It's just

Do you know what it's like, knowing you're going to die? I hate it. I hate that I can't control it. I hate that every time I tap my fingers against anything, I hear that beat of four. Tap tap tap tap----it's just everywhere. Mocking me.

Maybe it would be easier if the TARDIS weren't so quiet.

PS: I've sealed your room for the time being. Hope you don't mind.

March 17 2011 (8)

So I was having this conversation with this guy I met in a bar. Point is? It's worth it. Funny really because you wouldn't think it was would you, all this?

It made me think though. I came back here, your TARDIS, yours, on my own and what if that's it always? I mean it could be, right? It's not like I'm ever going to die. You know it's weird that, knowing you're never going to die. The future, my own future, well, it's a scary place, Doctor. But I think if you were in it maybe it wouldn't be. Now when did I get so sentimental?

I thought I might go and see Gwen. See how she's doing. But I can't. Not that I don't want to, I just can't. That's a different me, that was back there. I think maybe I was stronger then.

Either way I can't go and leave the TARDIS. Speaking of, she did something strange this morning. The screens all changed with different symbols. Just trying to work out what it means.

If I didn't know better I'd say she were talking to me.

6755523.879

Jack,

Saved a galaxy. Named it Alison. Do you remember Alison? The girl you danced with on Getha Beta 7? Rose was flustered and jealous. It was, well, it was nice. Silly, fun.

I'm trying to remember what fun was like for us, Jack. Trying to remember is hard, because of how much time is missing.

And it all comes down to timing, doesn't it?

The next galaxy I save, I'll name it Jack. Then, I'll know it'll make it to the end of the universe. Ha! When did I get so sentimental, eh?

Doctor,

I'm going to stop dating these because I'm done with writing 'March'. You know when you get back lets make sure we never go to a March.

Because you are getting back. I'm not giving up on that. Like last time, remember last time? When you disappeared off for who knows how long. Married a Queen. Do you have any idea how jealous that made me? I don't DO jealous, Doctor. You rewrite my rules, don't you? See I can say that because you'll never read this.

I was thinking about the last few years. They've been pretty hard you know. Gets harder to remember the moments that were special. But they were there weren't they.

Maybe I will pop back to Cardiff. Go spend a night in that flat of mine.

Back to research.

Edited 2010-03-12 03:26 (UTC)

December 23, 1489

Jack,

Been a while since I've sat down and wrote a letter to you! Too much going on! Fought the horrible Red Maw. Have you heard about the horrible red maw? Remind me to write you up a proper story on that. Maybe I'll send it with my next letter.

Sort of ridiculous, of course. You won't get these letters, because I'm just going to pick you up a few minutes after I've left.

Still! Can't knock a bit of recreation, can we? And it's not quite like writing in a journal, the way River did. Does? Will? Sort of confusing, time and River.

I realize now that I've just read this entire letter aloud as I've written it. I really shouldn't travel alone for so long.

Doctor,

I hate politics. Did you know I hate politics? Well I do. Never did warm to them and over the last few years they've hardly done much to change that have they?

Well you know my favourite politician? Good old made up Harold Saxon? Well would you know it, his name has just been coming up all over the place. I'm just trying to work out how he plays into it all.

You know what right now it's a good job I'm not there with you because if I saw him, I'd kill him. Permanently.

PS. I've put a separate note in next to this one, something the TARDIS printed out. I'm pretty sure it's for you.

To: Jack Harkness
PRIVATE PRIVATE PRIVATE
RE: Personal business (copy 45)

In the event of death, all material wealth and/or officially registered personal items belonging to the Doctor will go to Jack Harkness.

Total money in the Bank of Astrestia Major:
G4223 S2781 U19980
Total money in the Bank of Castroveria:
G22 S32121 U23
Total money in the Bank of Santriop 7:
G99801 S0 U0

Total personal items itemized:
Time and Relative Dimensions in Space machine (1)
Cash box 7

I, the undersigned, the Doctor acknowledge this document to be true and factual.

Official signature:

Doctor,

I think I saw you today. And it was you you not some other you. Have you ever been here I wonder? I wonder if it's in your past. I hope it's your future. Maybe I was with you.

I'm going to go back next month and have another look. If it's your past maybe I can talk to you and tell you what's happened. I could stop it all couldn't I? What would that do to time if I did? Would it damage things? You know maybe I don't even care if it does if it saves you.

I'm starting to sound like you back in Cardiff when I shot you, aren't I? Maybe I should just shoot myself.

ps. Failing that I might just go up to you next month and kiss you.

Jack,

I very nearly went back for you today.

Then I decided to go undo the Great Rebusia Disaster.

That was disastrous. Why weren't you here to tell me not to go that far?

I'm coming back, soon.

Doctor,

So one month on, I find it is you. Didn't go up to you or anything but it's definitely you. Next month, just you wait. Next month and I'll see you.

Stopped that girl from getting killed this month too. Didn't stop and talk or anything but it felt good. I think I'll stop it next month too.

Unless of course this ends first. Look at me, I've started talking like it never will. Maybe I'll go find that granddad of Donna's. Guess he'll be able to answer a few questions. You know it burns that you kept him with you and not me.

Jack,

I look different.

I thought I liked how I look. But there's gray in my hair and there're wrinkles around my eyes and I'm not

I don't know why I'm writing this.

I miss you.

Doctor,

You know what's one of the worst things? This stupid loop, I just can't stop it, can I? Whatever I do, I can't run from this. Part of me wants to, you know, but I'll never manage it because I have to find you. I have to work all this out. And I could never leave the TARDIS alone. I talk to her now, you know, sometimes I think she's even responding.

Please come back soon. Please.

Jack,

I'm better.

No, really, I'm better. I've seen what I can do, I've seen how much I can change. It's better.

You'll see. You'll understand, you'll get it.

I'll be back soon.

Doctor,

I left last week. I left for two weeks. I went away. I told people my name was Mark.

And then the only damn thing I could think of was you. What does all of this mean? What the hell is going on back there?

I'll get there, I promise.

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